i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
