i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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