I molested 6 butterflies tonight
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
