no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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