someone threw a dead crab at me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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