Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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