Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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