he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
