It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh god it's open bar.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
