Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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