I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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