I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
