OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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