As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i came on her dog
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think my moral compass just broke
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
