My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
