In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
