You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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