I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize