no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
