Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
