Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
