My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Found your dick twin last night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
