I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
