He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
