My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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