Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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