Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize