I want to walk on stilts...naked
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Be still, my beating vagina.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
