Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
