Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
