This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
