The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize