btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
