So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize