Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
