great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
