Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
