'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
