I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
