need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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