How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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