There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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