Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
