don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My balls are so social today.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
