I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize