there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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