I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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