If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
