Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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