That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My pussy is not your playground.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
