I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
