Can i not drive my cunt home
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
