Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
