So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
