So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
