this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
