fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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