just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
