I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize