Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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