I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
