i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
