I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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