ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
