and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
