My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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