nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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