she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
