My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
