So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
