we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize