Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
