I wish my penis had an off switch
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize