I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize