she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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