dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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