i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
