the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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