i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
