I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
