He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
