My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
