I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
