doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
