Define "chronic" masturbator.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
