I'm jealous of your bromance
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
