walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
