8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
