I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
