okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You were trust falling into bushes
Never underestimate the power of titties
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize