I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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