i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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