I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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